Blog post

A list of things which make me happy

  • Hugs
  • Chocolate
  • Chocolate with peanut butter
  • Peanut butter
  • Coffee
  • Tea
  • Lasagna
  • Pizza
  • I really like food
  • Cats purring
  • Also when cats do that headbutt thing into your hand because they want you to pet them
  • When the scent of the detergent lingers on recently-cleaned bedding and you can still smell it a few days later
  • Petrichor
  • Especially the sort of hugs when you don’t let go after just a couple seconds, but hold on longer and really hold the person (also, because SCIENCE) (but really, touch is my love language, and growing up I was all over my friends all the time, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve had a hard time forming those same sort of connections and I can tell it’s messed with me)
  • Lilies
  • Random acts of kindness
  • MYSTERY acts of kindness, which are anonymous and wonderful
  • Books
  • Daisies
  • Watching people write by hand
  • Getting whiffs of people’s perfume, or cologne, or shampoo
  • Good hair days
  • Watching and listening to someone talk about something they’re passionate and excited about
  • Watching people open presents
  • Vanilla
  • Cuddling
  • When people play with my hair
  • Playing with other people’s hair
  • Ice cream
  • Flirting (although I am probably bad at it, but odds are that I’m probably flirting with you in my own way)
  • Stories that make me feel things
  • Thunder storms
  • Happy endings
  • Getting letters in the mail
  • Pretending I despise puns (10% of me is okay with them) (mostly it’s that I know they’re terrible jokes but I actually find them amusing, and even more funny when people try to annoy me with them because I’m not as irritated as I act) (shhhh)
  • When something I’ve done actually makes a difference
  • Learning new things
  • Seeing people reach their goals
  • When people hold the door open for each other
  • Soft things (blankets, sweaters, jackets) (if you’ve ever been shopping with me, you might’ve lost me for a bit because I stopped to touch all the soft blankets)
  • Comfortable silences
  • Bursting into song
  • Finding an awesome bra
  • Flattering dresses
  • Checking out someone else when they’re wearing flattering jeans
  • Also when they do that thing where they’re wearing a long-sleeved button-up over a T-shirt and roll the sleeves up to their elbows, unf
  • When people are sweet to children
  • When people are sweet in general
  • Cats grooming each other, or other animals
  • Pajamas
  • Over-sized hoodies
  • Cute animals
  • Collaborative story-telling
  • Smashing the patriarchy

Please share your list of happy things, too!

Blog post

Am I a writer?

To me, if you write, then you’re a writer. You don’t have to be published, or have ever shown your words to another person.

Okay, so I’m a writer. That answers my question.

However, I’ve been going through a bit of an identity crisis the last few months, and asking myself a lot of hard, stressful questions.

Recently, I’ve been wondering if I’m just using the wrong medium. Maybe I’m not built for prose. Maybe I’m one of those people who is passionate about something I’m not good at, and good at things I’m not passionate about.

I don’t have a problem thinking up stories, or characters, but when I sit to write I start to doubt myself. I think about all the “rules.” The impostor syndrome sets in. As I write, I already know what someone would tell me about the sentence I’ve just written: I should include more sensory details; that sentence is too long; stop using weak words; don’t use adverbs.

I’m not an expert, but I know myself. I know my style favors long, rambling sentences. Sometimes my description is too bare. I think my writing is too simple. I wish my words were more beautiful, more poetic.

I could overcome some of that. After all, one rule I whole-heartedly agree with is to write first, edit later. You can’t fix something that isn’t there. I know this, and yet the need for perfection still gets in my way.

I also wonder if maybe I’m just not made for writing. Maybe I’m good at coming up with ideas, but should just pass along those ideas to better writers. I actually enjoy reading other people’s work and giving them feedback, fixing grammatical errors, etc..

The biggest thing, though, is harder to get over. I have the most fun with writing when it’s collaborative. By this, I don’t mean that I’m working on my own thing and someone else is joining me and working on their own thing; I mean, we are working on the same story together. I have all these worlds and characters in my head, but working on them alone isn’t nearly as much for for me as having a writing partner. That energizes and motivates me so much more than writing by myself. Writing alone does not excite me the way collaboration does.

I love writing characters. I feel bogged down by description, and think that a lot of pretension exists in the writing world regarding what we should and shouldn’t do with our writing styles. I look forward to writing when I know I’m bouncing off of someone else.

Maybe I need to find my medium. Something like script writing, or writing for audio dramas.