Blog post

Am I a writer?

To me, if you write, then you’re a writer. You don’t have to be published, or have ever shown your words to another person.

Okay, so I’m a writer. That answers my question.

However, I’ve been going through a bit of an identity crisis the last few months, and asking myself a lot of hard, stressful questions.

Recently, I’ve been wondering if I’m just using the wrong medium. Maybe I’m not built for prose. Maybe I’m one of those people who is passionate about something I’m not good at, and good at things I’m not passionate about.

I don’t have a problem thinking up stories, or characters, but when I sit to write I start to doubt myself. I think about all the “rules.” The impostor syndrome sets in. As I write, I already know what someone would tell me about the sentence I’ve just written: I should include more sensory details; that sentence is too long; stop using weak words; don’t use adverbs.

I’m not an expert, but I know myself. I know my style favors long, rambling sentences. Sometimes my description is too bare. I think my writing is too simple. I wish my words were more beautiful, more poetic.

I could overcome some of that. After all, one rule I whole-heartedly agree with is to write first, edit later. You can’t fix something that isn’t there. I know this, and yet the need for perfection still gets in my way.

I also wonder if maybe I’m just not made for writing. Maybe I’m good at coming up with ideas, but should just pass along those ideas to better writers. I actually enjoy reading other people’s work and giving them feedback, fixing grammatical errors, etc..

The biggest thing, though, is harder to get over. I have the most fun with writing when it’s collaborative. By this, I don’t mean that I’m working on my own thing and someone else is joining me and working on their own thing; I mean, we are working on the same story together. I have all these worlds and characters in my head, but working on them alone isn’t nearly as much for for me as having a writing partner. That energizes and motivates me so much more than writing by myself. Writing alone does not excite me the way collaboration does.

I love writing characters. I feel bogged down by description, and think that a lot of pretension exists in the writing world regarding what we should and shouldn’t do with our writing styles. I look forward to writing when I know I’m bouncing off of someone else.

Maybe I need to find my medium. Something like script writing, or writing for audio dramas.

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